And in this way the social order was allowed to persist. Only then would they learn the importance of (a) and realize that they’d yet to actually even meet anyone with (a). To put a fellow human being into a hypnotic trance, it was well known one needed both (a) a pair of deepset, ineffably powerful eyes and (b) an old Victorian pocket watch on a chain.įrom time to time, people would come across (b) in some sort of old shoe box in an attic and charge into school the next day with the thing secreted about their person and visions of conscripting a personal zombie strike force. Fortunately, the tools of hypnosis were hard to come by. Urban legends abounded of mild-mannered suburban dads being turned into chickens by some waggly fingered narcissist in a cape at a magic show, and never changing back. To me and my schoolmates, hypnosis was known as one of the powerful forces-along with heroin, the Moonies, the writings of Ayn Rand, and Ouija boards-in which one dabbled at one’s peril. The interesting thing, however, is this: Had she not been there, I was planning to hypnotize myself anyway, courtesy of an iPod-like device I happen to have in my laptop case-a brain wave–altering pocket hypnotherapist known to neurotic techies as the Pzizz.īack when I was a child, people generally refrained from hypnotizing one another. We had been chatting idly, until after several miniature wines and a riveting discussion of her primary business-traveling Tupperware salesperson-she declared herself to be trained, or at least licensed, in hypnotherapy. For I am in a trance, a proper hypnotic one, courtesy of the kindly, middle-aged woman in the seat next to me. My eyes, it should be noted, are closed, and there is drool creeping down my chin. This might be a good time to mention that I’m sitting on an airplane, hurtling through the night à la Joni Mitchell toward points unknown, certainly points unimportant. We’ll be starting our descent in a few minutes, so if you need to get up and use the restroom, this might be a pretty good time to just go ahead and do that.” “Flight deck again, ladies and gentlemen. “Down you go.one step.another step.everything’s fine and safe and secure.” Indeed, on several occasions the banister has been the problem, or at least has contributed to the damage. And there is a banister.”įor the record, every flight of stairs I’ve ever fallen down has had a banister.

“You are standing at the top of a flight of stairs.

Hypnotize me